Hong Kong State of Mind

I spent last weekend in Hong Kong, and when I landed and saw the familiar buses and smelt the familiar scent of anise in the air, I decided that Hong Kong had to be one of my favorite cities in the world. Hong Kong is charming, and busy, and vibrant, and had the right enough energy and the right enough weirdness, beauty, and confusion that I wanted to be in the center of.

  
I’ve always been a big city girl and resented growing up in a sleepy town so, in many ways, Hong Kong felt a bit like the home my stupid heart always longed for.

  
Real estate is crazy over there though, and I get turned off at the idea of living in a box, but then I already live in a box, so what’s the diff?

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I’ve been wearing glasses almost all day for the past week or so. This must come off as a non-event to some, but it’s a big deal to me especially considering how long and aggressively I’ve resisted the need for these and then, here we are.
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A funny thing: I always find something to complain about wearing glasses. Firstly, was that it was bothersome, because d’oh. People tell me I’d get use to it just stick with it you can do it come’on, so I did. It has gotten quite better in the bothersome department so my focus shifted to feeling the tightness behind my ears from the temples pinching into my head. I’ve been gently  pulling the earpieces apart from each other to loosen them up and they’ve loosened up, and I don’t feel the same tightness, so I looked for new things to complain about and it’s now the heaviness of the pads that rest on my nose.

It’s amazing how you suddenly feel things when you run out of ways to make yourself miserable.

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Been feeling introspective lately and there have been tiny stirrings of wanting to live a creative life. Must be the haze.

Try the hell out of yourself.

So… I dropped by Goodreads today out of sheer habit and was glared at by a vicious reminder of my flaws:

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That would be 3 books in two days too. Not exactly a proud stat for someone who considers herself readerly. I haven’t book-blogged for two months now. Two months!

So what’s been up?

First: I haven’t really been feeling too chatty as of late. My mind is all over the place and it has become too taxing to switch roles: from wifey, to mama cat, to corporate biatch, to socially inebriated friendy friend, to… many other roles I have to play on a weekly basis. It’s quite difficult maintaining a healthy social life, some physical activities, do good at work, and nurture my nerdery all at the same time. I also had some personal issues I needed to work through which were very mentally exhausting.

People have been bothering me about TV episodes I cannot catch up with, and books I haven’t been reading, and believe me – I tried. I try very hard, actually, but I need to sleep too.

Second: For some strange reason, the outdoors have become unduly fascinating to me. I’ve climbed two major mountains in the last three months and worried myself to eyebags for both trips. They have not been easy but mountains are so grounded, and so strong, and they all feel potent and permanent to me. I want to climb them all just for the heck of it.

Mt. Kinabalu 2014
Mt. Kinabalu 2014

Don’t get me wrong  though – I am not a great hiker; I am a card-carrying Super Noob. I am always, always worried, nervous, and scared, and my pace is slow, but “nothing else exists, only the climb.” Mountains are so unforgiving and I’ve waded through dark, maladaptive behaviors to haul myself up to the top, and I always have (so far) and I plan to always do. I have so many insecurities and doubts, but dark thoughts will not give me shelter, they will not give me those impossible views, they will not get me anywhere. Nothing else exists, only the climb.

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Mt. Pulag 2014 by Michael Jay Abalos

I’ve just gotten back from a trip. It was the most outdoorsy I’ve ever been in my entire life (literally!) and I’m so drained but I am so happy. I always question my sanity before and during these relentless adventuring but I need to write this down to remind me why I keep doing this to myself – I am happy, I feel so brave, and weathering through cruel discomforts makes my soul grow. 

I am back in one piece albeit nursing an injured tailbone. I didn’t even know I had a tailbone and now I hurt it, and I cannot ascend anything without wincing. As much as I am taking delight in feeling extreme and intense outside with no roof on top of my head,  I’m taking this  as a sign to lean back gently, open a book, and go back to old loves.

I cannot wait to read again.